…these questions about your relationship, filling in the name of your partner:
- Are there times when you do not state your opinion in an argument or discussion because you feel intimidated?
- Are you ever afraid that you will be hit?
- Do you participate in activities that you do not enjoy, because you are afraid to say that you would prefer to do something else for fear of reaction?
- Do you feel that you are not listened to and that your opinion is not valued?
- Do you put your values aside in order to please the other person?
- Does solving the other person’s problems or relieving their pain bolster your self-esteem?
- Do you find that feeling good about yourself stems from receiving approval from _________________ ?
- Do you feel that your mental attention is focused on pleasing and/or protecting ______________?
- Are you more in touch with how ___________ feels rather than how you feel?
- Are you more aware of what _____________ wants rather than what you want?
- Does your fear of rejection from _______________ determine what you do or say?
- Do you feel powerless, as if nothing you do makes a difference in the relationship? Do you expect yourself always to be strong, good, perfect, and happy?
If you checked:
Talk to your partner about how their actions make you feel. Be observant of other warning signs.
This relationship will probably get worse. Tell a friend or family member AND a professional about your situation – either a counselor or an administrator
5 or more boxes:
You may be in danger and you should talk to a parent or counselor immediately. DO NOT WAIT.
Information taken from various sources provided by the YWCA, Office of Student Development, Kalamazoo College, Fall, 2000.